2012, death &the new year;

Hello, how has 2012 been treating you so far. Mine's been pretty alright. Could definitely do better, but I am thankful.

So as mentioned in my previous post, end December 2012 was shit for me. Family issues prior to Christmas 2012 that I lost whatever anticipation I had for Christmas. Christmas has always been super special to me and I always thought NOTHING could ever make me feel less during Christmas but I guess there's a first to everything.

And as if whatever happened during Christmas wasn't enough to dampen my mood for the NY, my uncle passed away on 30 December 2012. A wee few hours to NY eve. I wasn't exactly best buds with my uncle, we weren't even close; but the thought of death occurring so damn close scares me. It still does. When I close my eyes, I picture my uncle on his deathbed. It still bothers me. Did we do enough? My uncle was a bachelor, so we were his closest, his only. And when he was still around, he'd always ask my brother was I working and when I'd go to visit him. I always reschedule because I never knew what to talk to him about. He was born in 1940, China, speaks only Teochew and Mandarin and I am an awkward Mandarin speaker. But I am sort of relieved that I did visit him one day before his passing at the hospital. And he asked me if I was happy at work. Maaaan, I feel like crying again. 

My uncle is perhaps the strongest person I've ever known. He was 11 when he got into some kinda accident. Since then, he couldn't walk anymore and he uses his crutches to move around. He stayed with my grandmother till she passed in 2004. After that, he shifted from Bugis to Bukit Batok just to be closer to my family. Then at age 64, he insisted that he'd rather live alone than to stay in a nursing home. His love for photography triumph his physical limitations because you'd never see him let his handicap get in the way of him pursuing his interests.

Living alone with only the occasional visits from my brother and my father, he must have been so lonely. Lonely, old and handicapped. Yet he didn't stop fighting. In a way I am glad that he has passed because it seems to me that he lived a difficult life. He truly deserves a rest now and I really hope that he is happier now, wherever he is. 

Going through all these emotions lately, got me so frightened whenever I picture my parents in that exact state. I can't even..

So I am not hoping much in the new year.

2013; all I am asking is for the people I love to be happy and healthy. 

Let everyone I love tide through 2013 with happiness. Nobody leaves.

X.