Physically and mentally. Weather's been bitchy lately. Plus everyday seems to bring brand new revelations. Makes me feel sick of living. Seriously considering putting partying on hold cause its drains me financially and physically and mentally and emotionally. Slept for 3 hours and trained till 4plus and only got home now. Oh me gosh fucking shag is me. Need to clear some stuff of my To Do List but guess Imma do that tomorrow. Too exhausted to focus on anything now.

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she wont be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy."

Once again, found this. She machiam some meaninfulquotes.tumblr.com! Pretty much self explanatory hur? Bah.

Alrighty, gonna crash now. Happy Halloween world!

Surprisingly today was rather bearable. I think I kinda enjoyed today(: After feeling down in the dumps for awhile, its good to smile(: Lessons were as per usual a big bore. Handed in my first assignment of the semester, so stupid gahhh.

Had an AWESOME DINNER with my captain!(((: CrystalJade LMXLBed and Frolicked :DDD Full like fuck, walked around HollandV, bumped into Joshua and back home it wasss! I think I know why it seems like I eat so fucking much but I still thankfully remain somewhat the same size. I seem to have straight intestines! After one hour, I totally ALWAYS feel like shitting((: GOODY GOODY! :D

Taken yesterday, while I was feeling all moody and grouchy\: Shall not think, shall not think. Back to Gossip Girl! Baizxzx.

There is just nothing left to be said, worth saying. I really just, don't see the point in doing so anymore. All I know is that we will forever be a regret in my life. I will always be looking back, and sighing simultaneously. I don't know what can ever make me happy anymore, don't ask me what I want. Cause I know that even you, will no longer suffice. Every emotion that I've experienced throughout these days, just don't measure up with the happiness you used to bring me. I really want to be happy. Do you think I relish being so fucking sad everyday? Fucking hell no. But thanks to you, I think I definitely matured alot in my thinking. Hopefully the day that I can truly smile again, will come soon(:

When I looked through the website, this picture just screamed to me. How true. Happy. Seems so difficult to achieve):

"You see, the ones who laugh the loudest and give the best smiles are those who’re actually crumbling right inside every moment. Don’t be fooled by their megawatt smiles and twinkling eyes, because right behind that, is a face filled with scars, cuts, bruises and tears. A facade no one has ever imagined. So, don’t be too quick to judge. Because what you see might not necessarily be true."

Saw this somewhere, I would love to credit but gotta respect her I don't know if she's comfortable with me revealing her here so if you see this here, thanks(: Its so so true. Looks, are fucking deceiving.

So tired these days, I think its all the lack of sleep starting from HCC, accumulating and overlapping. Assignment due next Wednesday, gonna start and finish it tomorrow! Need to work quite badly!\: Need new clothes, new everything, I'm so insecure. Other than my assignment, I'm going to paint my nails, try to do my Chanel design! :D Hmm, at least something to look forward to, no? Time passes so fast sometimes. So afraid of the unknown thats going to happen in the future): Oh crap, so tired that I'm sprouting gibberish. Am I making sense? Ok I'll shut it now. Baizxzx.

You were my perfect geek, the perfect guy who loved the same movies and bands and songs. We could have it all... But somehow it all ended before it could start. I still wonder what happened. ):

Back from Day3 of Semester2Year3, it has been a daze! Totally still sleepy most of the time I'm not even sure if I've been attending the right lectures and classes! LOL kidding obviously I did. Coincidentally, today is a Wednesday and right now a week ago I was getting high at OneFullerton. Oh how time flies)): Oneday I'll be back there getting high too, but not now I guess and not anytime soon. I wanna eat HK desserts at Chinatown oneday anyone? HAHA craving like mad since the weather is such a bitch these days all I can think about is cold cheng tng yummmy to the max! Can't believe I'm finally running tmr with Julie Ho! PLEASE DON'T PANGSEH ME AHHH! Today before I sleep I shall:

• Print my notes for tmr's lectures
• Paint my nails which are uberly cui now
• Perhaps another mask? :D
• Gotta stop thinking
• pack my stuff for tmr(:

Right now my mind is too dazed and fatigued to think about you anyways.

Everything just seems incredibly fucked for the past 3 days. Hottest Canoeist Camp was horrible. Mentally. Everyday shit just keeps happening. Right before school reopens somemore. So so tired of it. Sunday wee morning was the worst. All the shit accumulated just made me snap. Totally with tears pouring and numb fingers. Sobbing non stop, I only drifted to sleep at 4plus after FH listened. )): I knew I was broken, I just didn't know it was to that extent. Want you to know yet I know I couldn't, shouldn't. I can no longer find the correct words to describe just how hurt I am, how deep is this wound you've inflicted on me. Its so so sad. I'm, so so sad.

I was feeling so hyped up about finally partying this Wednesday during work cause I was blasting clubhits all day long. Work today was awesome cause it was major slacking session with Lynette and Amanda. Oh I wish holidays were not ending so soon.

WHY?):

Sadly, all those happy thoughts vanished as fast as they got to my head. Once I was on the way home and the next track that played was 'Inevitable'. I just don't understand myself. Why do I always go back to the same spot when he's no longer there? Plus the fact that he hasn't been there for a long time. Its almost as though I enjoy making myself so miserable by keep visiting and dwelling in the past. Why can't I just, move on and keep walking. Why do I keep turning back? And everytime it gets to the point that I can never see myself loving another because I'd have this conclusion that no matter what happens, it would always have a bad ending. I seriously thought we were gonna live happily ever after. So did everyone else but look where it got me? Nowhere precisely, only hurt and disappointment. Look where he is now. I'm suffering, he's not. So seriously, what for? See what I mean. One minute I'm good. The next, I'm a emo psycho bitch. Sometimes I hate myself for thinking so much. I probably need more tetesterone so that I'll be like a guy and just move on and on and on. Fuck this shit, I'm going Kristin Cavallari this Wednesday and no one's gonna stop me. Bye bitches.

You know what, I'm starting to get a little, teeny weeny bit pissed whenever people scorn at the fact that 'someone' clubs. SERIOUSLY, I don't see anything wrong in clubbing. Those people talk about it as though it is synonymous with the prostituting profession. Girls who club ARE NOT cheap and slutty. Sheesh, only SOME. Those who are gross and eww but NOT ALL. Its terribly unfair on those who are just looking to have a good time with their friends to be labelled as SLUTTY AND whatever negative labels you mountain tortoises have to stick on them. Half the time, these people are those WHO HAVE NEVER tried clubbing before and obviously don't know how fun it is. OR ELSE, perhaps they dance like freaks and are too scared to club so they always use the excuse that OH GIRLS WHO CLUB ARE SLUTS. Sheesh man, GROW SOME BALLS.

So if you're one of those who fervently comment that female clubbers are cheap blah blah blah, seriously, save it. It just goes to show HOW DENSE AND SUPERFICIAL YOU ARE. Peace out.

/edit.

Omg! Before I forget, I saw the cutest guy ever on bus 190 yesterday night! Ahhh, sk8r boi. :D Using same phone somemore, sweeeet!

I am so sadddd. I dyed my hair to dark brown but nobody could tell the difference. ): Paid 35 bucks for it and people only notice my 5dollars fringe trim. FML. AHHH, but I thought there was a difference. I mean, ITS SO EFFING OBVIOUSSS!): Gahh.

My body is aching now, cause of yesterday's sprinting fest during training. Face and shoulder burnt, thanks to Friday's training. Tummy aching thanks to spicy food marathon yesterday. But I loveee yesterday's dinner with TanShunShun and LeowFangFang. HAHAHAHA! Crystal Jade LMXLB for dinner and Haato icecream for dessert. SO GOOD SO GOOOOOD. :D

Okok, I'm going off for lunch now. Be back sooon!

(: Finally going for training tomorrow! I'm definitely missing my paddle and the boat and the water ooh la la! Worked today, spent hugeloads of moolah on food. Today I was spamming food like it was the end of the world tomorrow. I'm going to grow fat!): Then again, what am I saying. I AM FAT ALREADY. FML. Went for impromptu ManiPedi session again, together with trimming my fringe(: Awww life is good, until I smudged one of my nail's polish and discovered the hairdresser trimmed my fringe lopsided. WHOOP life sucks. I really freaking need a money tree, anyone wanna sponsor me money? HAHAHA, fuck that sounds lame. Alright. I wanna sleep already, don't wanna be late for training tmr. NIGHTYNIGHTS PEOPLE.