; when every colour illuminates.

I applaud every single one of you, who have loved and lost, and opened your heart to love again.

Once bitten, twice shy. I don't know if I can do it a third time. I look at another, but I can't imagine myself loving another. It just, repulses me. 

When you loved the first, you give it all. When it ends, you slowly stitch yourself up and when you do, the next one comes along. You tell yourself, remember what happened the first time, you can't give too much. But you get too happy, and think "this time its different". 

And then it ends again. 

I don't feel sad anymore. Or angry. Or anything. I just feel so numb. Like, I should have known.

Call me pessimistic. Call me melodramatic. But I just don't see how its possible in this day and age that there will be a Happily Ever After. Situations around me; couples who date long and happy (or so we thought, obviously) breaking up. Couples who get married, and divorce in a short span of 3 months. I feel happy for the couples around me who are genuinely happy. I really do. But it reminds me that that used to be me. And right now its just this seemingly never-ending cesspool of nothingness. Nothing is certain. Not until one is on the death bed and they have really been through everything together. Tell me, how many have you seen who has been through that?

I used to believe in Love. I used to believe Love can do anything. Love will move people, change people but I forgot that Love is a 2 sided thing. One sided Love can't do shit. & I honestly believe right now, that silly me, with my silly romantic thinking is just going to get ripped to shreds if I continue with my silly, silly notion.

Since I can't handle all the emotions that comes along with heartbreak, I'd rather just not step into it again. 

As the old saying goes, "if you can't change them, join them". So I will. 

I know its a vicious cycle, but right now I need to think for myself. Seemingly this world is every man for himself. I've got to think like a man. 

I am now running on empty. But I will learn to be happy, on my own. Because that's the only thing I can rely on for now, &possibly forever (in a totally non-melodramatic way).