Mummy

To anyone who knows me well enough, knows that my mummy and me have a love-hate relationship. My mummy loves me so much that she feels the way to show care is to stop me from doing anything that potentially harmful. Redundant things that she feels Life still goes on if I'm without it. Things like hanging out till late with friends, clubbing, travelling, etc. But being the person I am, outgoing and sociable, I always felt the need to always be with my friends. I didn't understand why she needed to be so paranoid over small things.

Maybe I should elaborate a little further. 

When I was younger, I was not allowed to stay over at my friends' house. This was during secondary school years. I wasn't allowed to go on school expeditions. I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends after school hours. Back then, I felt I'm missing out all these chances to bond with my friends and really couldn't fathom why my mummy can't understand that I needed these experiences. Even when I was in Secondary 4, if I went out with my friends to i.e. Orchard, she would be somewhere around the area, and once I left a SHOPPING MALL (not the area) I had to leave her a text saying so. 

Throughout the years growing up, I have always questioned my mummy's way of caring. I know she loves me. I really do. But as much as I understand her concerns, I just couldn't make out why she can't think in my shoes. And we always left our quarrels at "you'll never understand you're not a mother yet." and "you'll never understand too! your generation is so much different!"

Recently we just had one of our quarrels. Basically my mummy and I are having one of our cold wars. And yes this time it stretched through Mothers' Day. My family spent Mothers' Day at Sugisawa Japanese Restaurant but I'll come to that. It was awkward because it was much quieter compared to our usual family dinners. What we quarreled about? The usual. About me always spending time with my friends and not being part of the family anymore. But I disagreed. I didn't think I was doing so. And I told her, "I spent 21 years of my life following your wishes. Now I can't do something about my own life? Why are you always stopping me from hanging out with my friends?"

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my relations with my mummy that all I wanna do is move out as soon as possible. Her reputation as a iron fist mummy is so 'bad' that friends, exboyfriend and boyfriend are somewhat afraid of her and just would rather not meet her. Which is sad, because I know deep down my mummy is a super wonderful woman who I love with all my heart. I wish they saw it too. But I had to complain. I had to whine about what a bad mother she is when I know what kind of mother she really is. A fantastic one.

And so I chanced upon that video. Saw it quite a few times but never got round to viewing it. But finally watched it now. And started crying. Cause in the future that'll be me. The one who took my mummy for granted. I was so preoccupied with my own life that I forgot about the one person who loves me unconditionally. The one who is aging every single day. The one who complains about her aching joints. Everyday her hair turns whiter gradually. 

Writing this entry puts a knot in my throat, and makes my heart feel heavy. 

Time to start putting your Life back into perspective. As cliche as it sounds, cherish your loved ones. I'm gonna talk to my mummy now. 

I love you mummy. <3

The future

To Jessica, take all these things that happen in your stride.

We are young. Once. And if we don't take the opportunity to achieve what we wish to accomplish, when will the better time be?

If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,

Well, I would have known what I’ve been living for all along.
What I’ve been living for.

In some ways..

I really miss working in CPF. Despite the crazy workload and the erratic working hours (contrary to popular belief not all Government Officers work from 9 - 5pm), I felt more free there. More, myself. Smoking wasn't an issue as long as I got my work done. I didn't need to restrict myself and the things I say for the fear of being judged. I don't know. Am I having quarter life crisis? Because I think I am being fucking fickle minded over what I really want to do. But yet, I cannot afford to suddenly stop working because of my financial commitments. Anyways, something to look forward to tonight~ :D Thai for dinner with le BFF and then beeeerfest! /thehulkrageface

Its Madeon, bitch!

A friend of mine from the UK recently introduced this DJ when I told him I love House. :O Lovers of House music, if you don't already know who Madeon is, continue reading :D

This guy, looking like the younger french cousin of Justin Bieber, is already a popular DJ in Europe. He also recently spun at Coachella :O:O:O Singapore Y U NO Coachella equivalent? :S

Totally ripped from Wiki, "Hugo Pierre Leclercq, known by his stage name Madeon, is an electropop producer from Nantes, France". Did I mention he's only 17 years old? Avicii, you have some serious competition coming up O.O

Hehehe somemore quite good looking ^^

Ok, I have embedded his mixes below. :D Take a listen, trust me you'll love it! Because his music is easy on the ears, so people who normally don't fancy house music because sometimes you think its a little too loud and "trashy", you'll find yourself listening to Madeon ^^

Heh now that I've got you hooked, I'll be super nice and tell you that if you own an iPhone/iPad and wanna listen to HIS ENTIRE PLAYLIST LIKE I DO on the go, go to his soundcloud, and listen from there. They will autoplay the next song on his page for you. :D I have yet to get his mixes downloaded cause the soundcloud one is via beatport. :S Anyone who has the mixes or know where I can download it from let me know! :D

His songs totally making me get the party feel again URGH~ But no point also since DJs in Singapore won't play his songs :( HAISH.

mmm

Love is..

I know we didn't start off like a fairytale. I was upset. I didn't understand why you were so clammed up. I didn't know how to tell you how much I wanted you. At the same time, I didn't want to let you know how much too. Stuff happened. I thought I'd probably never have you.

But thankfully you realised. Thankfully you opened up. Even though you were skeptical about our future initially. 

As time goes by, we got to know each other even better. With your meagre pay/allowance from NS of $400, you coughed out $300 to buy my wallet for my 20th. Three quarts of your pay, just so that I can get a Kate Spade wallet. Nothing less. 

But still, I made you unhappy at times. Got myself drunk when I party without you. Made promises not to get wasted, but end up falling all over the place, stumbling into your arms at 2am in the morning.

Said never to take things for granted, yet I did. From the start, I was always the first person you thought of when you wake up in the morning. I know because I am always the first person you bbm, at 6ish in the morning. Yet I? 7ish, to 8ish, to 9ish in the morning. While you waited for the text that seemingly never came. To make you feel like you were taken for granted, to make you feel like you're the first thing I think of in the morning..

Throughout these almost 2years of national service, I kept pestering you to go overseas with me. Even though I am fully aware of your financial situation ($400/month), I still kept pestering you about BKK. And you still relent. Yet I wanted more. And could still display disappointment.

Needless to say, the scrapbook you made of us for my 21st, and the TOMs that I wanted so bad from Rockstar, and a super adorable Turtle that I still cuddle to sleep every time you're not with me..

Love is going to all parts of Singapore just because I want to eat something from somewhere.

Love is eating crabs with me even though you aren't a big fan of crabs and hate peeling them.

Love is peeling my prawns for me. Cooked and raw. Because they are too messy, or I didn't want my hands to smell fishy.

Love is never stopping me from doing what I wanna. Even though you don't really like it.

Love is always listening to my boring work stories even though you don't understand half the things I say. 

Love is threatening any douche who bullies me.

I will not mention what have I done in this relationship. Thats not for me to say. But what I want to say is thank you for loving me. Thank you for changing into such a wonderful, amazing person that you are without losing the person I fell in love with on 28 April 2010. Thank you for everything you've done for me that I failed to see. I am sorry for everything I did wrong, and the things I did not do. 

And of course,

My Love is you, Jeremy Chia Jia Ming. 

I love you baby, so fucking much.