Mummy

To anyone who knows me well enough, knows that my mummy and me have a love-hate relationship. My mummy loves me so much that she feels the way to show care is to stop me from doing anything that potentially harmful. Redundant things that she feels Life still goes on if I'm without it. Things like hanging out till late with friends, clubbing, travelling, etc. But being the person I am, outgoing and sociable, I always felt the need to always be with my friends. I didn't understand why she needed to be so paranoid over small things.

Maybe I should elaborate a little further. 

When I was younger, I was not allowed to stay over at my friends' house. This was during secondary school years. I wasn't allowed to go on school expeditions. I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends after school hours. Back then, I felt I'm missing out all these chances to bond with my friends and really couldn't fathom why my mummy can't understand that I needed these experiences. Even when I was in Secondary 4, if I went out with my friends to i.e. Orchard, she would be somewhere around the area, and once I left a SHOPPING MALL (not the area) I had to leave her a text saying so. 

Throughout the years growing up, I have always questioned my mummy's way of caring. I know she loves me. I really do. But as much as I understand her concerns, I just couldn't make out why she can't think in my shoes. And we always left our quarrels at "you'll never understand you're not a mother yet." and "you'll never understand too! your generation is so much different!"

Recently we just had one of our quarrels. Basically my mummy and I are having one of our cold wars. And yes this time it stretched through Mothers' Day. My family spent Mothers' Day at Sugisawa Japanese Restaurant but I'll come to that. It was awkward because it was much quieter compared to our usual family dinners. What we quarreled about? The usual. About me always spending time with my friends and not being part of the family anymore. But I disagreed. I didn't think I was doing so. And I told her, "I spent 21 years of my life following your wishes. Now I can't do something about my own life? Why are you always stopping me from hanging out with my friends?"

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my relations with my mummy that all I wanna do is move out as soon as possible. Her reputation as a iron fist mummy is so 'bad' that friends, exboyfriend and boyfriend are somewhat afraid of her and just would rather not meet her. Which is sad, because I know deep down my mummy is a super wonderful woman who I love with all my heart. I wish they saw it too. But I had to complain. I had to whine about what a bad mother she is when I know what kind of mother she really is. A fantastic one.

And so I chanced upon that video. Saw it quite a few times but never got round to viewing it. But finally watched it now. And started crying. Cause in the future that'll be me. The one who took my mummy for granted. I was so preoccupied with my own life that I forgot about the one person who loves me unconditionally. The one who is aging every single day. The one who complains about her aching joints. Everyday her hair turns whiter gradually. 

Writing this entry puts a knot in my throat, and makes my heart feel heavy. 

Time to start putting your Life back into perspective. As cliche as it sounds, cherish your loved ones. I'm gonna talk to my mummy now. 

I love you mummy. <3