Wondering if there's anybody out there who just derives pleasure from self inflicting stress. I absolutely hate it when I place such high expectations, not on others, but myself to perform; to be fucking good at what I'm supposed to do. I expect myself to be able to get things right, to be able to excel within a fucking short period of time, even though perhaps its perfectly fine to be learning at this pace.
But I can't. I want to be better than others. I constantly feel the need to keep pushing myself, until I am perfect. I welcome the challenge; I am unafraid of hard work. What I fear the most, is the possibility of not being good enough.
I want to be perfect. I need to be perfect. I need to remain in control.
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