Everything changes once there is a status. I know in the past, all I wanted from him was give me the recognition I deserved. But just as he asked me after so long, I got a little apprehensive. I didn't want things to be different just because we were together officially. I thought he'd be something different. But everything still seems the same as others. Now I just end up feeling disappointed again. sigh. At first, it was still alright. I was so happy everything felt so surreal. But eventually things still became like stagnant. Screw expectations seriously. Yet its so hard for me to not have any. You understand what I mean?

And besides, I think I really could use a change of job. I'm sick of working here. :( My colleagues are great! But the workload is horrible! I don't like it one bit! :( Plus the festive mood is really ruined cause of work. I wanna go on holiday! :(

"Was on FB and I saw this note by Lin, as in she found it somewhere on deviantart which I thought was, well WHOA. Click Please go and read it. After which, this is what I think.


Do you realize this is something that is constantly happening? ): Why? During the start of the relationship, they can promise anything. Promises to give, promises to accept, promises to always be there. And we, always so stupid and naive. Always believing. And it always turns out the same. We are always left right at the same spot, looking back and wondering just what happened. The same person, but just not so similar to the one from the past anymore. And you would give anything to have it back, you know its highly not possible, but you still hope something perhaps a miracle could happen and things would go back to how they used to be. But most of the time, miracles just don't happen. Why? Why make promises you can't keep? And after breaking those promises, you go on to others and make the same promises, what's the use? You're still going to be breaking them in the end. Sigh. Now you know why I'm so cynical and adamant that that concept of Love just don't tally with reality. Because it just, doesn't. And we have all these living proof around us to constantly remind us. Don't fall back into that shithole, Quek. Don't."


Reading back, maybe they didn't change. Maybe they were the ones who were constant. Maybe I was the one who changed. Oh foolish me.

Wahhh madchio.com. Made a note, SF Varina Flats I will come to you when I have lots of money. Booya 420 USD, madex.com too. :(



Ohmygosh, I've become such a brand whore. :( Now Agnes b, Longchamp and Kate Spade is not enough! :( I'm craving some Chanel Gucci Prada and Salvatore Ferragamo! And not forgetting my Balenciaga. /drools.

Pretty PRETTY OMFG PRETTY BAGS! :D

I miss the past so much I think I can cry. But, things don't just go back to where they were just because I want them to.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy with where my life is now. I'm happy with Jeremy. He makes me happy. He's sweet. He's everything and anything I could ask for. :) My best friend is awesome too. Despite everything thats happened, we still have each other. <3

But I just don't know. I miss being carefree as a student. Working does have its pros, in a way that my spending power has increased and all. But life's not all about money. And.. I really don't know what it is, but something's missing. And I wanna know what. :(

"Most of the time, its just too difficult, or too expensive, or too scary. Its only once you've stopped that you realise how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But its always there. And until you finish it, it'll always be..." - HIMYM, S06E03.



I still don't know what exactly 'we' are, but I know for sure now that what 'we' have, is real. (: Its gonna be an awesome journey. <3

Besides that, I think my life has reached stagnancy. Is that even a word? Like every single day, routine work. Crazy amount of workload. But super nice colleagues who dote on me :D But wahhhh, I totally don't envision myself slogging my whole life away there. :( I want something new, something refreshing, something more to what I like! But life's never fair isn't it? You can't have everything you like. Booooooo.

Sorry Alvin I blogged very little, its 2:07am and this is a shoutout to youuu! :D Brain barely functioning already.

And with that GOODNIGHT/MORNING WORLD!

Fashion: My 2 cents

credits: http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

Took a day off work today because I was just too tired from all the late nights doing nothing constructive. And besides, I brought work home so I thought 'why not just stay home and do them?'

Before I start, I must bring up the events of last Saturday. Was at Far East with the boy. Just got my pay, and recently I just couldn't decide what to wear. My wardrobe's sort of bursting; yet that still happened. I hate it! So I thought maybe I could use a little shopping.

But what the heck! I walked the whole shopping centre and I still couldn't find one piece of fabric, ANY TYPE AT ALL, that could render me speechless. Back in the days, I could find countless outfits but no money to fund them; now I can't find anything at all.

After that two rounds of aimlessly weaving in and out of stores performing touch and go-s, we left the shopping centre. I told the boy, "damnnn, I forgot how to shop."

This moment, I have been dreading the coming of this moment. And I think this happens to most Singaporean girls. Settling into the comfort of comformity. Cause looking back at that 'shopping trip', I did chanced upon a few articles that I would have bought without blinking last time, but now I just let it go. Its as though I'd rather buy something that everyone's wearing now over something that I like/more 'me'.

Its so sad. I feel sad.

What happened to me? I'm morphing into one of those street cats. All looking like the other. And lazy at that.

:(

Which brings me back to how I'm browsing http://www.lookbook.nu/ and http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ instead of doing my work. :x

I shall be hardworking and not lazy from now onwards. I wanna feel confident again! >:(

Time to:

1. Not eat so much; office job has made me chubbier! :(:(:(
2. Invest in a fitted blazer; Zara, Topshop, anywhere else?
3. Invest in shoes; how can I not realise this earlier, no more "slippers with anything"

• Black wedges
• Nude pump

Ehh, I'll add in more when I think of them :x

NOW ON TO WORK! :D

FUCKERS OF THE WORLD ALL GO AND DIE. DIE MOTHERFUCKERS I REALLY HOPE YOU DIE

SERIOUSLY YOU KNOW, THIS MOTHERFUCKER AH. I REALLY REALLY HOPE, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, THAT YOU'LL DIE A SLOW AND EXCRUCIATINGLY SLOW DEATH. I AM DOING YOU A FAVOUR, BY APPEALING FOR YOU. YOU DON'T SHOW ME ATTITUDE. DON'T TELL ME THIS CHEAT MONEY THERE CHEAT MONEY. YOU TELL ME FOR WHAT FUCK. I AM WORKING FOR THE COMPANY. I AM NOT THE COMPANY. SO DON'T TELL ME. IF YOU REALLY KNOW LHL THEN ASK HIM TO PAY YOUR O.M. FOR YOU. DON'T APPEAL LA CCB. HATE THIS KIND OF PEOPLE. NEED PEOPLE HELP STILL WANNA SHOW ATTITUDE. IN THE FIRST PLACE I CAN JUST KEEP REJECTING YOU. YOU WANNA COME HERE AND LOOK FOR ME ALSO HARD. FUCKER. SOMEMORE SAY I ANYHOW SAY YOU THREATEN ME. HELLO YOU WANNA HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE IF WE DON'T APPROVE YOUR CASE THATS NOT THREATENING MEH? FUCK YOUR LAN YOU CCB. SERIOUSLY. SO WHAT IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE BEFORE. KEYWORD: WERE. YOU WERE. NOW NOT. NOW YOU NEED OUR HELP. SAY I SUCK YOUR BLOOD BY ASKING FOR MORE DOCUMENTS. OK LOR. WHATEVER CRAP DOCUMENT YOU SEND ME I JUST USE. YOUR CASE NOT SOLID ENOUGH TO PROVE KENA REJECTED ALSO YOUR LOSS. YOU HAVE TO PAY, NOT ME. SERIOUSLY. GOD, PLEASE TAKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER AWAY FROM EARTH, THE WORLD. HE DON'T EVEN BELONG TO HELL LOR. CCB. NO ONE EVER MADE ME SO PISSED OFF BEFORE SIA.

Hello hello (:

I wonder if people still read this space! Heh. But hows everyone? :D

Been really busy with workkk and work and worrrrrrkkkkk. Warao, OT till 11pm siaaa. Siao times one thousand. But good pay good bonus so me no complains! :D

AND AWESOME NINJAS. WAH WAH WAH LOVE Y'ALL DEEP DIPZXZX MUACK! <3

and you. Though you won't see this, heh. <3<3

But I really miss NP. Fcking cb alot. My C02 girls. My polo teammies. Miss every single bit of it. ): Le sigh.

Oh myyy, I haven't blogged here in eons! Too busy with work and whatnots! I'm happy! Heh, and blogging more frequently at another platform but hush hush for now :D



HAHAHAHHAAH ISN'T THIS JUST HILARIOUS! :D I was damn bored during my last day of work at B&J I think! I miss my ice creams and the slack ttm work there!!! I miss my SORBET SPLASHHHH! ):

Ok, got to go to bed HAHAHAHAHA DAMN LAZY TO BLOG OKTHANKSBAI.

She's just damn fcking pretty. Beautiful. Aesthetically stunning. Omgosh. Go google Effy Stonem images. SIGH. Sucks to look like shit.

Just bought brown contacts. Do I look weird in them? Cause usually I use green blue or grey. Hardly brown cause I look abit zombie-ish in them! >:

And I realised I haven't blogged in ages! Nothing interesting in my life. AHHHH, but on another note, I AM GOING 'HOME' FOR TWO CONSECUTIVE WEEKS! :D:D:D Will update agai soon!

Totally FML. Two things happen in a row to make my day so fcking awesome. Second one most imba, my previous workpay is so pathetic despite missing trainings after trainings for it. They said attendance incentives are given according to management's discretion. Fang pi! I always fcking early for work la knnb just cause I quit after two weeks you deny me of my extra incentives. Bullshit sia. Ccb. SIGHS. Sure sucks to be me sometimes.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh. As the day approaches, I feel more and more like some fcking lost sheep. I don't know what to do where to go from here on. Applied for the CPF job and went for interview but still not very optimistic thanks to one totally fail-answer to one of their questions and my age. Like everyone there seems so fcking old and I'm like 19goingon20? I'm like such a greenhorn! >: Sigh. How now?

Is it not quite true? Its hella true for me. Everything in my life seems so stagnant so boring so.. going nowhere. How, boring until I don't even know what to blog about. Oh gosh. BIG SIGHS. So I shall insert a retarded picture of me...

Ok bai. Damn retarded. Will update when I feel more like it.

Omg, my life truly sucks. And so if you guys don't already know, I left my job at Haji Lane after 2 weeks. Life at Haji Lane ain't as glamourous as you guys think it is. Argh. Whole day spent steaming clothes, hanging them, taking them out and folding them and tagging them. If the clothes are really awesome, I'd do them in a heartbeat with no hesitation but gosh, I don't have the passion for clothes which I think look just merely all right and cost 50 dollars. Dude, I wanna work in the fashion industry, not be a freaking lies factory. I'm not gonna try to promote something that I myself don't feel that hyped up about.

And with that, yes, I'm back to just plain ol' B&J. Applied for more jobs, such as CPF Building with AWESOME PAY but obviously not the field that I want. BUT STILL, HOW CAN ANYONE(ESPECIALLY A DIPLOMA GRADUATE LIKE ME) REFUSE 1.8K A MONTH WITH CPF? :D Let's just see where that goes. But major stupidity on my part, I applied for this media shit and totally forgot about it and didn't check my professional email thinking the whole time that I'm such a loser who will never be able to break into the industry of my dreams and today when I checked my email I realised they replied me and granted me an interview on the 16TH WHICH IS TMD 6 DAYS AGO! FML! >: So I sent them a deeply apologetic email and hope they'd give me a chance. PRAY FOR ME!


And with Haji now a sorry part of my past, I've been attending trainings. Competition is just a few days away its scary. Actually, not really. Just a tad saddening 'cause after all it will be my last. Weirdly while I've been waiting my whole Polytechnic life for this chapter to close but now that it is the last one, I feel apprehensive. Looking ahead, I could have my dream nails, complexion and skinny frame back but I would miss all the laughter tears and joy. If only I could have it all. >:

And so studies is a pretty much a done deal since university is not gonna be anytime soon, work is in the process of getting, having a ball with my friends, what about love? Oh fuck love, I'd say. Since everyone is this world is fucking sadistic and like to play mindgames(I think I do too, unintentionally. Or do I?), I am just gonna see where life takes me. Ok, ALL ABOARD!

And so if you don't already know, today was KNNB FUCKED UP! I went to work super duper early, like 45 minutes early and my colleague who was supposed to already be there only came at the time I was supposed to start work, 2pm. And mind you I was wearing the NewLook dress with 3quartersleeves and today's weather is as per usual FUCKING HOT. AND HAJI LANE IS NOT A SHOPPING CENTRE, IT DOESN'T COME WITH AIRCON. So after waiting so long, the girl finally came, and OMG, she said, "I FORGOT TO BRING MY KEYS." My face went from, 'ohgoshyayfinallygotaircon' to 'WHAT.THE.FUCK.YOU.MUST.BE.FUCKING.KIDDING.ME.' And so I had to loiter around Bugis Junction while I waited for her to go back to Yishun and get her keys. Tmd. And so we rushed to open the store and all and when 8pm came to close the store, we calculated the overall sales AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT?! APPARENTLY THERE'S MISSING MONEY OF 39.90. And most of the cash transactions was done by her. I only did the cash transactions for drinks ok don't come and tell me I sell those drinks until can shortchange till 39.90 lor fuck. WARAO. So we had to pay the amount that was shortchanged. TOTALLY WTF OKKKK. >: Eeeyer, so annoying.

Why do people make Love such a complicated thing. >: Like means like, why make yourself so miserable over something thats supposed to be beautiful and joyful? >: Why do we always fall in like/love with someone who doesn't like/love us and vice versa? Let Quek BIG SIGH together with you guys/girls. SIGHHHHHHHHHH. You see, if two people like each other and they fear that getting together would only hurt their friendship if the relationship should end badly, don't you think its a wasted assumption if through this precaution you guys are drifting apart? Am I making sense? Since no matter what this friendship isn't going to go any better, why not just give it a shot? If you never give it a shot, you never know how that relationship will blossom, yes? -sighs. In any ways, I wish all human beings all the best in their attempts to chase the girl/guy of their dreams.

I, Jolene Quek Wei Wei, shall now think of when AND WHERE I should go do my manicure, pedicure, facial and YEAH WHATEVER THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. HAHAHAHA! :D

I have started working at Haji. First two days working there were pretty fine. Store just opposite Collage. Everyday just keep seeing people smoking outside only. >: Sian. Oh wells, hope time passes faster so that I'll get more used to the job. But there are lots of perks about working there.

Firstly, when I'm there I feel uber inspired to dress up. Like I won't feel like, "sian Singaporeans all like dress so simply, I look so out of place". But the people there, all one of a kinds. The weather nowadays can be tmd hot but they still can wear until damn nice. And its not those just one Topshop or whatever. But more like, local designers you know those very effortlessly put together look? Like whoa. I'm gonna people watch more often when I work :D

Secondly, for the 2 days I've been there, I already encounter people coming in to loan items for fashion shoots and fashion spreads in magazines. LIKE WTF HOW COOL'S THAT? THATS LIKE MY DREAM JOB LA HELLO? Fashion Stylist siaaaaaa. Le sigh.

Thirdly, I get to know a lot more about the fashion industry in Singapore. I always had this mentality that the fashion industry is damn small in Singapore. But its not THAT small actually. Its just that local magazines tend to feature the same few designers and labels THATS WHY it SEEMS small. So cool la. And as they say 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'. Soooo, different people got different perception on fashion so ohwells. Learning new terms about fashion and the management and what goes on behind the scenes of new stocks and producing LIKE OMG I'M JUST DUMPING WORDS EVERYWHERE BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN RIGHT? ;D

Thats why I always felt like if I ever want to do anything related to the fashion industry, I got to start somewhere. So thankful for this job. (: Gonna find out more and learn more and see how it goes. :D

Oh yes, if you guys wanna come visit me I'm at Mono + :D But I can't chill chill talk talk smoke smoke with you guys for too long cause I good employee. :D HAHAHA.

Hohoho, anyways tmr, eh wait, technically speaking its TONIGHT, will be awesome awesome with my kakis! :D BUTTER BUTTER BUTTER! And before that, its tanning with BFF again. AWESOME NOTS? <3

/edit.

OMFG HOW CAN I FORGET ONE MORE PERK!

CUTE GUYS LIKE WTF SAY YEAH! :D heeheehee ^^v

Having 'The Only Exception' by Paramore on repeat. Its making me feel so fucking emotional right now. So fucking insecure, a million thoughts buzzing around in my head, fucking me upside down.

I wish I..

• had skinnier arms
• had skinnier legs
• was taller
• didn't have fucked up complexion
• wasn't so fucking tanned to the extent it looks black
• had slimmer fingers
• had slimmer feet
• had bigger eyes
• nicer hair
• had abs
• was rich
• could do whatever I want without anyone judging me, stopping me
• could tell you everything but I don't dare to and its fucking killing me

-closeeyesanddeepbreathes.

"Well, maybe I know somewhere

Deep in my soul

That love never lasts

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone

Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable distance

And up till now, I had sworn to myself

That I'm content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

I've got a tight grip on reality

But I can't let go of what's in front of me here

I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up

Leave me some kind of proof its not a dream

Well, you are the only exception.

And I'm on my way to believing. "

Makes me just wanna scream and cry at the same time.

To all my friends,

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

Dance like no one's watching. (:

Shitttt, really still got nothing much to update! ): Sheesh, my life that boring nots? Today was supposed to be all fun and stuff with AmandaMAK, FleaFlyFloFun and PercyJackson BUT SHE LAST MINUTE CANNOT MAKE ITTT! MAJOR SADZXZX OHGHEYS): LOGAN LERMAN MUST WAIT FOR MEEE! :B

Meet my B&J friend, AmandaWANG :D Teehee, all Amandas I know such nice people oneezxzx! :D The whole duration of work yesterday was peppered with gossips and laughters. :D Awesome! Plus MattBFF finally came to look for me during work BUT, sadly he lost his wallet in the whole process. Well I hope everything's fine now for him BUT THEN AGAIN SOMEONE GOT T ALREADY HORZXZX? :D GOT T OTHER STUFF ARE PEANUTS ALREADY :D Hehheh. So now how? My next week is INCREDIBLY EMPTY AND BORING AND GAHHH. Anyone with any bright ideas? ):

Just talked to Matthew BFF, I feel so damn happy for him :D All's well ends well. Got me thinking about myself too. Sometimes I think I am like, really weird. I like people, who are not that into me. Yet I am oblivious to people who like me. Or so I think they do. But you get my drift, no? And what makes me a tad weirder than most people is that, when I find out the person that I like, likes me too? I back away. For what reasons, I HAVE NO FCKING IDEA. Its not that I am playing some stupid mind games. I guess, maybe I am just afraid? I don't know. Tell me who I am, cause I myself don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Maybe I have no balls, maybe I am a retard, maybe maybe maybes. I hate and know that its mean to cut off contact with someone whom I THINK likes me, but thats just what I do. Time and time again. ): -sigh. There's something wrong with me, ain't it?

Ahhhh. Now come to think of it, I sure am some weirdo. Got things to 烦, will 烦 about those things. Nothing to 烦, I will 烦 about why is it I so sad life, to the extent that I have nothing to 烦 about.

Tell me, not called 自找麻烦, call what? ):

Life's good, life's good, sorry I haven't been updating in awhile. From the VERY occasional party to working to hanging out with friends, I'm good now that school's unofficially over for me(: Happy happy! And I'm all ready for CNY! OMG, can't wait to wear me new clothes! HAHAHA! :D Seriously, I got nothing much to update(:

Oh yes, know what's a douche? YOU're a douche. Fcktard.

ANYWAYS, I've decided to skip a year. Am not gonna apply for Uni this year. Gonna take a break from school, seeing that I've found a job anyways. See where it takes me! WISH ME LUCK! <3

Doubt I'll be posting any pictures of myself anytime soon. Lately I don't know why but I've been feeling so fugly. :<

I can't believe I am at this stage right now. This overwhelming feeling that just won't go away. It was so hard to finally get over someone and now it starts all over again. Just a whole new person thats all. Fuck it. Seriously I don't wanna go back to the same shithole but I'm like quarter way there already. AHHH OMG. :<

I feel so insecure, so miserable, so upset, so demoralised, so fcking ugly. And the best part of it all? I can't do shit about it.

Everything seems better in 2010(: Yesterday was weirdly enjoyable with the company of the RafflesCity gang. We didn't do much but all the conversations were epic-ly funny! Supposed to catch Daybreakers but couldn't because Reeta and I had to leave early): Shitzxzx am I like not fated to watch it or something? Thursday was lack of seats, yesterday was because of the timing. IDFC, I HAVE TO WATCH IT!):

Now I'm left with 2 weeks of polytechnic life. Hmmm, such a bittersweet affair. One moment you can't wait for it to come because FINALLY you can have a break from the insane assignments but then again, once you're out its like, full of uncertainty for the future. Gahh. So where do I go from there? Hahaha. Nevertheless, I'm still gonna try for my NTU(: and hopefully in between all that, I'll find my way :D Here's wishing everyone AN AWESOME SUNDAY <3

Life's good, so good that I haven't been updating in forever. :D 2010 sure kept to its promise of being awesome. HAHA. Graduating in 3 weeks time, its scary! But I can't wait to see what I would go on to accomplish. AHHH.

And so, we finally secured a Gold in NTU 3v3. May be a minor competition but it shows us we do have what it takes :D Go go GO Team Devlin! :D SPCPOC, we will be able to show everyone else!! :D

I'm happier. :D So busy with chionging all the assignments and whatnots to think about other things. And once I graduate, I'm gonna work hard towards what I want to do next time. Crossesfingers I'll make it. :D
Ok, not much to update. Gotta go get ready forrr, IDK WHAT HAHAHA! OK bai.

There's something in the air in the wee hours of the morning that makes me feel, sad. You know how sometimes the one thing that you should turn your back on is the same thing that you always look back at? I can't understand why I would want to keep looking back at things that would only hurt me. Its cold and unrealistic. And I can't stop sighing. Tell me how to be happy again. Take the exhaustion from my face, the sadness in my eyes. Take it all away. If need be, take those memories from my mind. Its like a computer getting a virus, everything thats left in fragments and you can't quite make out the whole picture. This is a mistake. I should be starting the new year on a clean slate. Why does it feel like 2009 again? Why do I feel like the exact same girl who's wanting to cry into her pillow and punch the walls?

-closeeyes&deepbreathes. Ok I'm off to bed. -mumbles. Tomorrow's going to be good.