Whatup gheyfags, how was today? LQTM, I just totally called you guys gheyfags. Owells, deal with it. Ehh, no pictures of me today cause I think I look chui ttm whats with all the pimples and all. Tskkk. Just a quick update before I chiong all the attachment stuffs. Today was ok, moderately tolerable. Will be implementing my first lesson on the 1st, horrors of horrors hope the children don't kill me. But I don't think they would since I'm such a NICE TEACHER, awwww SWEEEEET!(: HAHAHHAA! My learning centre is almost done now, -applauds(: Nothing else for today other than I finally got some CARAMEL CORN which I'm soooooooooo gonna show off to the kids in my class tomorrow "HOHOHO HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW BITCHES SUCK ON THAT MY CARAMEL CORN BEATS YOUR TWISTIES ANYTIME FCKFACE" HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Nope, not gonna do that unless I wanna get expelled immediately. So yep, but can you imagine their faces? :D Teehee so evil!

Okayyyy anyone with HIMYM Season 4? I want to watch it straight away and not on sidereel.com so pretty please?(: I'm willing to share whatever is left of my caramel corns with you -blinkseyes


Hokay, thats all for now! Gotta go back to my neverending pile of workload HOORAY!\:

Hello Hello! Today was FUN!(: So happy likka sweeeet! Too bad BFF couldn't join us TSKTSK!): Quek is a happy girl cause I had my Ikea Meatballs and their softserve icecream, then off to Flea Titan II with Cara&FH, and we met Daphne&KXY and then off to The Cathay with Jiun and her KJ hurhur(: HAHAHAHHA! Then FarEast for some random lookaround, then back to The Cathay to support Daphne&KXY ZOMG I think you guys were awesome seriously(: Saw manymany people today! Saw Prinya at FleaTitan and and _________ at FEP. So weird, I haven't seen ________ in eons. Hmmm.

I'm so lazy to switch the blue and green lenses so now I'll just keep using them like this HAHA! Who wants to buy me grey lens!(:

HAHAHA! I LOVEEEE MY NAIL COLOUR!(: Its from OPI, koped from SiewHui ones, wanna sponser me?(: HAHHHAA!!

Fake eyelash is awesome shit, sweeeeeet!(:

OH YES and FH and me got more studs for our ear(: SWEEEET, its fcking PINK!!!!!{: SWEET.

Ok, I'm hella tired. Gonna crash now, night.

My favourite finger!(: HAHAHA! WTF I know, but see the nail so nicely shaped likka sweeeeeet! HAHAHA! So I'm back from my 'pretigious' camp at ShuHui's house!(: Slept through thursday and friday likka slackxzxzxzzz only. Wednesday was attachment to decorate my learning centre then clubbing with some Devlins and our awesome seniors and the Ng siblings aka My Other Siblings!(: HAHAHAHA! Oh and Romeooo too although he likka poor thing kena pangsehed by his friends awwww. So much for last Phuture trip before Botak hurhur![: It was fun at the same time, hmmm, idk how to describe but well YEH FUN'! Promised Jiun that I'll go with her one last time before she flies back to DownUnder on the 15th so people!(: Keep the 15th freeeee!(: Till then and after, I don't think I'll be clubbing. I know I said this tons of times that you guys are probably thinking, "yeh right,she'd probably club in two weeks time or something ." BUT NO. I really gotta concentrate on my attachment stuffz for now. Now first priority is attachment. Cause it'll take up what, 95% of my life till 3rdJuly likka ZZZZZ. Sianz. ZOKAY, back to the 'camp'. On thursday it was quality BFF Bonding with my SIEWSHUHUI(: Went to BPP after our awesome beautysleep for lunch then back to her house for movie and dinner then OFF TO HOW HOLLAND V for some frolick with CaraZhang and Joanna(: Sorry for scaring you Zhang with my incessant crying on Wednesday! Promise I won't do it again.(: Then yehhhh. Nothing spectacular happened afterwards. HAHAHAHA.

TOMORROW, aka today, will be circuit training then FLEA TITAN PART II with Devlins(more like 1/4)(: YAYYYY! I love fleamarkets(: So much that I might go rent a stall in next month's FLEAFLYFLOFUN!(: Must come support me belle and Joanna if we really do OKOK(: But more on that next time, Imma go now BYEBYE!(:

/edit.
Seriously I think guys are major turnoffs now. Especially those who like to zi pai. Fcking gross ttm. Yhucks. Go suck balls or something. Fckers. & stop adding me on FB. TSKKK.

I was stupid for a while

Swept away by you,

And now I feel like the fool.

So confused, my hearts bruised,

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far,

I never had your heart,

Out of reach, couldn't see,

We were never meant to be.

Catch myself from despair,

I could drown if I stay here,

Keeping busy every day,

I know I will be okay.

So much hurt, so much pain,

Takes a while to regain what is lost inside,

And I hope that in time, you'll be out of my mind.

I'll be over you.

Out of Reach by Gabrielle

Will update more later, till then Toodles world.

After yesterday's adventures with so many people, I think subconsciously I thought through quite abit of stuff. & after talking with Jiun, I sorta got enlightened.

I finally realised and understood maybe the reason why she could never bring herself to be friends with whateverheshallbenamed. Maybe cause there isn't any reason why we should be the one to throw our coats on the puddle of water so you can step over it when its not our fault in the first place. Yes, you can say that 'oh its because you blahblahblah, thats why we can no longer be'. But seriously, look deep into that heart of yours and ask truthfully, is that the only reason. I think we both know thats not it. Try as you might to deny but you can't cause thats probably the only reason. I think you'd probably be thinking why am I going through this again when I seemed like I had finally gotten over it, but I don't think I ever did completely gotten over it. Tell me how. How to let go of something that you just, put everything into? & probably because from time to time, your explanations change. Everytime after one of our thrashingout talks, I'd probably spend 24 hours understanding it and the next few months wondering, 'HUR?'. I guess now we know why I always have such situations aye? Cause of loopholes and back to the abovementioned, there's one more reason.

Stop asking me why don't I ever understand cause truthfully, I don't think I ever will. & I'd probably spend the next IDon'tKnow how long wondering and trying to understand but I know what that will end up to. After saying so much, I think I can pretty much sum it up as 'You're just not worth anything to him anymore'. & I guess I'll just keep wondering till 'You're not worth anything' to me anymore. Thats the only way.

I tried to be happy. I tried to at least look happy. I really did. I guess I somehow succeeded but I'm only human. You asked me if I was OK with it. What did you expect me to say? Obviously I said I was. & I didn't want it to affect me, but it did. It hit me like a tornado. A massive one that could wipe out the entire world.

I'm just sick of pretending that everything is okay when its obviously not.

I'm just sick of shedding tears for someone whom don't give two hoots anymore.

I'm just sick of everything thats happening right now.

I'm not angry, neither am I extremely upset.

I don't even know what the hell am I feeling now.

Everything just mushed up inside.

FML.

Life, is so... idk, I guess due to my lackof vocabulary I'd say Fragile. Its so scary. The way anyone in your life gets taken away just like that. I don't know her, but somehow reading my friends' posts about her, makes one feel afraid and questionable about everything you ever felt and experienced. One moment you still have him/her, the next he/she is just gone like that. How can that be? Its really scary, cause lately all my friends are losing their friends. And not in the bitchy Ineverwannaevertalktoyou way but more of the Ican'ttalktoyouevenifIwanttoforever way. I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to be the one to experience that, are any of my friends gonna be taken away? What have I done for them lately? Then it just hits on you, 'What if I'm the one? Will anyone miss me?'

If you had the chance to know that you was gonna kick the bucket soon, would you wanna change things? Would you wish there were things you could do, that you didn't? Would you wish you could leave this world with no regrets?

I was talking to ShunLi about this in the library today after training.

I don't want to die soon. Cause I know, that my life is filled with regrets. Full of whys and whatifs and ifonlys.

Would you miss me when I'm gone?

Just too damn many questions, left unanswered. I wish you were the answer to my questions.

/edit.

Was I really not worth fighting for?/: Fck this shit, I feel so emo now again.

OMGWTFBBQ SHE'S AWESOME!(:

Still feeling half dead from non stop attachments. So sianzzz, next week needa go down again to continue the learning centre stuffs. Sianz. But it was OK, today did quite an amount so (:, yay! Training tomorrow. Haven't an inkling how to circuit train with no shoes): I'm praying really hard that whoever that bastard is returns my shoes.): My awesome red adidas shoes.

Today, yet another funny funny cute cute thing happened with the same Japanese boy! SUPER DUPER ADORABLE!(: But too tired to elaborate. HAHAHA! So yeah some other time(: I think I'm falling in like with the kids there. Though they're a bunch of handfuls (LOL!), they really make your day, colourful(: My favourite "Mmmm, yummy!" boy(: Eeeeyer -pinchescheeks

HOKAY, I'm out.

OMG, I'm so exhausted now. Shagged to the max. Mentally and physically. My limbs are aching like crazy, so are my abs area. Badly need a good long massage. My mind is so blank now, I couldn't concentrate on whatever I was doing today. My BFF lost her phone this morning. Fck the driver who took it! Blatantly lying and still denying. Fck liars. Think Imma catch forty winks then wake up later to dinner and finish up attachment stuff. Whoever said Early Childhoodwas easy should just bang their hands and dig a grave and jump in. Try walking a mile in my shoes, you'd want out almost instantaneously. Ok talk to you guys in awhile, Jolene out.

WHATUP!(: Just got back from dinner at BPP with Fangieeee && Corinne Ong!(: Nowadays likka always spend time with them BUT I'm not complaining! HAHAHA, too bad my BFF totally likka enjoying herself at DBL O and Phuture so she can't join us for dinner!): Wa laoooo, what am I doing at home man... I should be there luh, with them, enjoying and dancing! Eeeks, sucks balls. HAIYA, training today made my whole body feel nua ttm. CAUSE SOME FCKING ASSHOLE stole my shoes. My smelly BUT AWESOMELY RED ADIDAS SHOES! ): So smart me decided to run campus in my slippers. JOKE only, run until damn chui. /: Then Amanda made us do some circuit thingy which only adds on to the chuiness.. then gymmmm WTH I can just go die now. Attachment tomorrow again, likka sianz only. ARGHHH.

I WANNA CLUB! PHUTURE! PHUTURE! PHUTUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! >.<

HAHAHAHA! I hearts camwhoring. So sad, now no more Canon camera have to resort to cyberlink webcam to camwhore): I'd really appreciate if a Canon camera fell from the sky Thanks veli veli much, but preferably not on my head its rather painful hurhur? && Fanghui I finally managed to change my earstud to the ring one! Can see can see?(: Twit twit tweet! Me thinks me is going to school early to go to the library to find stuff for the Subject Web. Tskkk, attachment is so irritating. So damn bloody many things to do. On a damn random note, I like my hair in the mornings(: Likka nice and soft only(: But when it comes to the afternoons, all frizzy and unkempt, fck it. Tskkk. & SiewHui is going clubbing without me today): I'm so sad, the last surviving of the Club Rehab people. \: Then again, I'm gonna break it next week, sooo OWELLS, just a week more GO GO GO JOLENE QUEKQUEKQUACK(:

You know I'm sucha fool for you,

you got me wrapped around your fingers.

Do you have to let it linger?

Do you have to?

Do you have to?

Do you have to let it linger?

Today is so tiring. Burnt off pretty much all my braincells while doing project in the afternoon and then all my fats off during training today. LOL, my body damn funny. I gained and lost 4 kgs in 2 days just like that. So on top of that, its the second day of that time of the month, I feel exceptionally moody now. Like, really moody. I feel like stabbing something and eating Ikea meatballs and chilled durians for dessert. I'm damn moody cause attachment is going to start being hectic and crazy. I'm damn moody because I don't know what I want out of this journey called Life. I'm damn moody cause I feel so helpless now. I know what I want, but I can't have it. I'm damn moody now cause I haven't got the chance to wear my blazer out!): Boohoohoo! No chance cause everyday either attachment or training, both of which wear my blazer like so wasted!/: I'm moody cause my pedicure and manicure all starting to chip off and they are not pretty anymore!): I'm damn moody cause I feel like a FUCKING RETARD WHO'S SO UGLY SHE CAN'T SAVE THE WORLD IF IT DEPENDED ON HER FACE WTFOMGBBQ I HATE MYSELF.

Ok. I'm just moody because I can't have you.

Attachment today was below average.): Must be MondayBlues, the time of the month and the kids were whack. GAWD I WAS THIS CLOSE TO BLOWING UP. Horrible, horrible. But still got cute moments. Like this boy, during reading time there was this word Didgeridoo (FYI its the long thingy that the native Australians blow) and I refused to help him with it and he said, "RIDOORIDOO". OMG like how cute I totally ROFLMAO!(: Kids, Pfft. & yeah, training tomorrow! Awesome, but I'll be late cause of project work. I foresee dead braincells in my head floating aimlessly. Perfect.

&& Shuhui told me some even more awesome awesome news! ITS ZOUK'S 17TH ANNIVERSARY NEXT WEDNESDAYYYYY! OMFG, I WANNA GO GO GOOOOO! Okok, I needa concentrate on PLANNING with ShuHui aye aye BFF! (: Where my ladies at? Where my ladies at!!!(: HOHOHO SO EGGGCITING! WHERE OUR TEAM BFF SHIRT!):

OKOK BYE!(:

Did you forget
That I was even alive?
Did you forget
Everything we ever had?
Did you forget about me?
Did you regret
Ever standing by my side?
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left
To forget about us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand?
Never again
Please don't forget
We had it all
I won't forget about us
And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
Please don't forget us
Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us

What could have been.

Its just the date.

Hola Amigos!(: Said I won't be here till Saturday but since I'm on my laptop I thought why not drop a short update!(: Hmmm, so attachment today was actually quite ok. Although I nearly had a heartattack cause the environment during a certain something was so intense I swear the moment I breathe, NorthKorea would launch a nuclear missile to America. That intense yo. Phew, thank God its over now. And and I'm so happy I'm somewhat on track now for my attachment tasks, hopefully it gathers momentum and I'll finish the planning process in no time(: HOPEFULLY(:

So after attachment, I decided to be such a geek and head on down to National Library to do a little research. LIKKA HOW GOOD RIGHT? I know(: So stressful man, attachment. Oh and I have the tendency to use inappropriate words during attachment in front of the kids, HAHAHAHA.

HAHAHA, I hearts my nails. AWESOME. OK, Imma go grab something to eat. I keep eating): Maybe I should go gym tomorrow. ANY TAKERS?(: After 530pm though, cause I gotta go down after attachment. Text text me babies(:

So long for now kiddos!

Hello homosapiens of PlanetEarth, I'm back from a damn haps dayyyy(((: Finally got my chui nails done((: Now my toes are an awesome shade of dark metallic blue and my fingernails are awesomely darkishreddish(: HOHOHO! Too kewl fo skewl yoooz![: -smirks. I had the same toenail colour done as Jolyn's(: We had Subway at Cine while waiting for Shuhui today and had a great laugh about everything(: & there she is now, at Phuture): Likka sad please, we could have been there Shuhui): Sianzz. Gimme 1 month mannn, can't wait for attachment to be over. I'm going home in 1 months time MAMA!{: Ohoh & I chose Shuhui's fingernail colour LIKKA AWESOME TOO! PurplishPINK. LIKE PINK OMFGWTFBBQ PINK(: Awesome.

Hahahahha, lemme zilian for awhile luh.... attachment cannot so pretty go if not all the children distracted HAHAHAHHAHA kidding. I just can't wake up early enough LOL.

Stupid pimples. I fcking hate pimples.

OKOK, gtg do my attachment stuffz, see ya'll on Saturday!(:

HelloHelloHELLO! Feels like soooo damn long since I touched my laptop! (: So glad to be here yo! Tomorrow is finally here! WEDNESDAY WOOOO! ManiPedi Zombies HERE I COME!(: Attachment for the past 2 days have been alright, really different from what I usually see and experience in my past two centres but OMG there are actually Japanese kids in my centre! && they are so adorable. Today something really funny happened. There was this Japanese boy, he somehow kept following me EVERYWHERE. And he didn't really know how to speak English so it was quite bad, both of us don't really understand what each other is trying to say. So while the rest of the children are sleeping, the 3 of us(attachmentppl) decided to do our practicum book tasks. Since there were 2 levels I had to go up&down to like do alot of things. He was on the top level and everytime I went down, when I wanted to go upstairs, he would be at the staircase landing with this red toyphone. & once he sees me, he would flip open the phone and start speaking Japanese into it. SO DAMN FUNNY OK. Every single time NO KIDDING. & somehow when they speak Japanese, they always sound so angry. LOL.


Apparently my kids are super duper uber rich kids. Sheesh, but they've never heard of Nerds Rope before, I MEAN HELLO WILLYWONKA LIKKA HOW COOL! Tskk. But still(: So far so good. I'm happy with that for now(: Ok, going back to HIMYM(: BYEBYEEE!

Hello hello. I'm so sianzzzz likka sai now cause of the very wondrous dreaded attachment tomorrow.): I so feel like just quiting school & suntann all day at Cafe Del Mar & club all night at Phuture fckkkkkkk. Now I have to run after a whole group of kids, tryna make them sit through a lesson wtfffff. HAIYAAAA. Can't wait for the holidays!): The only thing worth looking forward to this week?

Wednesday(:

& NO ITS NOT CLUBBING! Hahahahaha! I wish. Unfortunately, Shuhui&I are on ClubRehab for now till the end of our attachment)): Likka long. Sianz. But worth waiting for(:
Anyways, this Wednesday will be our Girls' Night Out!(: Wheeeee! After my FP3.1 lesson at 4, Imma head to town first while waiting for her to get my ManiPedi at FEP, then when she comes we'll decide whether to kill zombies or watch Robots and Humans battle it out in Terminator Salvation. AWESOME. Or maybe we'll just stick to shopping & killing zombies. Whatever, THOSE ZOMBIES ARE GOING DOWN BITCHESSSSS.




Okok, enough hyping about Wednesday. It shall be my motivation(: HOHOHO. Anyways SiewShuhui, doesn't mean I don't tag on your blog means I don't read your blog ok? I'm a fervent/avid reader(: Loyal supporter yo! & Yknow my fats are here for you too!(: Can't wait for August where we will rock GWC Sunday Morning Shift YOOOOOO!(: Okok, have an awesome day tomorrow everyone(:


PS: OH YAH I BOUGHT NEW RINGS YSTD FROM F21!((((: Like what Shuhui said, GSS FTWFTWFTWFTW!!

So this is it. Nothing. What the fck is wrong with me? Idk. Sriously, its so bad I think Ican film my own version of How I Met Your Mother. ): I'm so fcked up yknow. WAHLAAOOOOO. I can't stand myself sometimes, one moment I'm all gaga over something the next its nothing. arghhh, WTF. Maybe its the weather. Its so unbelievably hot, Singapore feels like an effing concrete desert!\: Whoa I'm seriously so affected by this, so grouchy that I can be a total Big Fat Bitch about every ittybitty stuff RIGHT NOW. FUCK. I'd better get outta here. Shuhui, we definitely have to talk. Call me as soon as you see this):

If you noticed, I'm so bored these days I switched my contacts and am now wearing one side blue one side green :D HAHAHA, couldn't decide between a vampire & Lindsay Lohan, HOHO!

Past few days have been rather ok, since I slept my way through Thursday. Attachment coming up in what, 3 days, I'm so fcking excited. Rightttt. Some career talk tomorrow, so stoked. Shit, my life is like going to suck for the next 1 and three quarter months. Fck it, somemore my 眼睛糖 will only be back in one month's time, HAHAHAHAHA, shit did I just say that, oops. So yeahhhh. & I miss training!): Damnit. I wanna get my blazer & OH now I have 6 piercings already! 5 on my ears and 1 on my navel, sweeeeet. Just got to get my tattoo and my blazer and I'm like a fat kid with cheesecake(: Alrighty now, gonna dig the fridge for some food, starving. Byeee!

I'm just feeling that same exact feeling of having felt something that feels so right, yet nothing came out of it. Regret&disappointment, how quaint. Sigh. I guess this is it then. Maybe I do know what I want after all, it just ain't what you want, I guess. Moving on, I hope this is like, a clean slate then. Dear God, stop making a fool out of me already, I've had quite enough now. I'm damn shagged now, gonna crash. Morning, have a good one.