After yesterday's adventures with so many people, I think subconsciously I thought through quite abit of stuff. & after talking with Jiun, I sorta got enlightened.

I finally realised and understood maybe the reason why she could never bring herself to be friends with whateverheshallbenamed. Maybe cause there isn't any reason why we should be the one to throw our coats on the puddle of water so you can step over it when its not our fault in the first place. Yes, you can say that 'oh its because you blahblahblah, thats why we can no longer be'. But seriously, look deep into that heart of yours and ask truthfully, is that the only reason. I think we both know thats not it. Try as you might to deny but you can't cause thats probably the only reason. I think you'd probably be thinking why am I going through this again when I seemed like I had finally gotten over it, but I don't think I ever did completely gotten over it. Tell me how. How to let go of something that you just, put everything into? & probably because from time to time, your explanations change. Everytime after one of our thrashingout talks, I'd probably spend 24 hours understanding it and the next few months wondering, 'HUR?'. I guess now we know why I always have such situations aye? Cause of loopholes and back to the abovementioned, there's one more reason.

Stop asking me why don't I ever understand cause truthfully, I don't think I ever will. & I'd probably spend the next IDon'tKnow how long wondering and trying to understand but I know what that will end up to. After saying so much, I think I can pretty much sum it up as 'You're just not worth anything to him anymore'. & I guess I'll just keep wondering till 'You're not worth anything' to me anymore. Thats the only way.

I tried to be happy. I tried to at least look happy. I really did. I guess I somehow succeeded but I'm only human. You asked me if I was OK with it. What did you expect me to say? Obviously I said I was. & I didn't want it to affect me, but it did. It hit me like a tornado. A massive one that could wipe out the entire world.

I'm just sick of pretending that everything is okay when its obviously not.

I'm just sick of shedding tears for someone whom don't give two hoots anymore.

I'm just sick of everything thats happening right now.

I'm not angry, neither am I extremely upset.

I don't even know what the hell am I feeling now.

Everything just mushed up inside.

FML.