It has come to my attention that some people don't agree with the things I say. Usually I'd get all bogged down by it, and start getting affected by it. But that was then, and this is now.
Every second that goes by, something in your life has changed. Out of the billion katrillion (I totally made that word up but you get what I mean) cells in our body, millions of our cells die and get replaced, so technically speaking, yes we are changing everyday.
When something happens, the people around you tend to take sides. They take things from surface value, and usually the more vocal one is seen as the bad one. Washing dirty laundry in public. Am I really though? What exactly do you know? The only ones who know exactly what's happening, are the ones in the situation itself. Penning a generic entry online, is merely a way of venting A LOT of pent up frustrations inside. Keyword: GENERIC. And secondly, if there is no guilt involved, why the big reaction? Sneaking around doesn't mean nobody knows. So please, spare me your naivety.
If I was entirely blowing things out of proportion, I would be getting wayyyy more hate. But it seems the hate, is stemming from a minuscule minority (yes I just used 2.. erm opposites of superlatives in one sentence that's how minority they are) group of people. Have you thought why is that so?
Then again, I have to constantly remind myself that I can't expect people to think the same way as I am.. so......
I am the sort of person who is always questioning my own actions and thoughts. I am not the sort who thinks this way and barges through everybody's minds screaming "TAKE THIS! THIS IS CORRECT! THIS IS! I AM RIGHT! I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!"
I am most sincerely not. If you think I am, then clearly you're not close to me at all. Ask any one of my close friends. Ask Damian. Ask Shu Hui. Ask Fang Hui. Ask Minzies. Ask May. Ask all these people who are always bearing the brunt of my excessive thoughts. Everything I do, everything I think about, I question if it's right. I always put myself in the other person's position and think from their perspective. I do it so much that those friends of mine are frequently asking me, "why you think so much? why are you siding them?"
I am not siding them. I just don't want a one sided argument. And because I know I am not perfect; that somewhere somehow I fucked something up as well, no matter how small that mistake was; everything is cumulative. And I really appreciate it if someone tells me that "hey look, you fucked it up too alright?" If it's a valid point, I will sincerely accept it. I would even apologise for it. I am serious.
So when it comes to disagreements, I tend to feel the overwhelming urge to settle things. I don't like to leave things hanging in mid air. And I don't like it when people patronise me and just let it slide so that the argument ceases. That is just who I am. I am built this way.
Okay I believe I have sidetracked again in this entry. So back to the objective of this post, I realised that with every change in life, you're bound to lose and gain people. You must be thinking "duhhh~ why do you need to write about it?"
What i am trying to say is, from the recent change in my life, I realised who are the ones who could see me for who I really am, even those who are totally not close to me at all, and the ones who are so clearly blinded that all they see from me, is all negativity.
I am jealous. I am being a sour grape. I am being childish. I am being unreasonable. I am bitter.
It amazes me how well I can read people, my intuition is damn accurate I kid you not. I know there are people out there who think I am being that. If you're even thinking of me in that way to begin with, I won't bother trying to explain myself anymore. I don't mind and you don't matter. But I also know there are people out there who may not be close to me at all, but they see me for who I am.
So if you don't like me anymore just because you think I am being ridiculous, then too bad. #sorrynotsorrytoseeyougo
To those who have seen the real me (even the obasan me) and are cool with it, hello nice to meet you let's meet up for beer one day :}
Toodle-oo then!
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