Back for the fourth installment? (: Overachieving Asian in me shall do it! I am still bummed over the fact that I didn't get to eat my Sushi Bar yesterday. We were there at 7 and they were totally full house and under reservation till 730pm. We couldn't wait any longer because we were all so famished by then so we headed to Wasabi Tei instead. Which was good too! Reminded me a lot of Chikuwa Tei; the salmon slices there were crazy thick and super fresh! Will blog about that next week :D Let's get down to business then!
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Day 4: Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
- My flaws. I'd like to think of myself as somewhat of a perfectionist. Be it my face, my body, my life choices, everything. When I look into the mirror, there are always flaws that I see that I wish I could change. When I think of my life thus far, there will always be a decision that I had made in the past, that I wish I had done differently. Sometimes I would tell myself, "the flaws are the things that make me who I am"; but sometimes I feel like I can be better than what I am now.
- The 'What ifs' and 'If onlys". Unfortunately, that also brings me to this. I wouldn't recommend you to think along this line, but I know how hard it is not to. It is akin to putting yourself through mental torture, every f*cking day.
- Death and loss. If you had seen my twitter (@jolenequek), you would have already seen this. I used to not think so much about this, but this year, it's pretty hard not to. It's hard to remain optimistic when you experience too much of a bad thing within a short span of time. I could attend a funeral of someone I barely know (but I do know him personally) and get so affected that I can't even bring myself to see the coffin. Perhaps it's nothing unusual for some people out there but I used to be so much more detached from such emotions. Everything has changed. It's a haywire in my mind right now. I am constantly praying to whoever is up there, to please not take anyone else I love anymore; because honestly I don't think I'll make it if that happens.
- My future. What am I going to do about the near future? I have been working for the past 3 years, ever since I graduated from my Diploma. I have been putting off studying for the longest time because I have no idea what I want to study. I don't intend to do anything related to my Diploma for my career as it's most definitely not within my interest (spare me your "then why you study that in the first place lecture" because I can't give you a reasonable answer). Let's just say I didn't really consider meticulously enough what exactly I wanted to do when I graduated from my secondary school and I don't intend to commit the same mistake again for the next phase of my academia. And come on, be honest to blog, I don't think you are that sure what you really want to do as a career for the rest of your life right now right?
- What the eff happened? I'm not gonna lie, this still crosses my mind a lot. It's okay if you don't understand this point, you're not supposed to anyways and it doesn't matter too.
- Am I good enough/Will I ever be fully satisfied with myself? And it's a "no". And I don't think I'll ever be. It could be a good thing, it could be a bad thing; it could motivate me to always be better than what I already am, but it could also suck me into a never-ending cesspool of self-reproach.
- Cursing and swearing about how f*cked up this world truly is. I am someone who is extremely inquisitive. I love watching documentaries that showcase the other side of the world; a world that most of us are not aware of. Perhaps we are, but we choose to look away or we are just not that well-informed about the real situation. I love this channel on Youtube, Vice. Go check it out if you can. When I learn of all the atrocities being committed in the world, I suddenly feel like my problems are in comparison, trivial and insignificant. Who am I to complain about not being able to eat one of my cravings with my $2,000 odd salary when someone, somewhere can't even afford to eat anything at all TODAY because all they earn in a month is what, $200? It's a very sad world; and to think we are supposedly the more advanced species on this planet. Irony of life. We think of solutions to solve the problems that we created in the first place.
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Hope you enjoyed reading today's installment (: Have a great Thursday! We're less than 24 hours away from TGIF!
X.
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